Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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