Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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