Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
