What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
