So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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