If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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