so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
