Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
