I'm sorry my penis didn't work
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
