i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
