I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
