I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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