i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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