am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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