I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
