I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
