So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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