Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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