my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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