This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
