She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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