Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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