Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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