I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
