I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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