I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
