Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
