my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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