I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point