dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything