I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
