Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
