i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices