I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...