i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
