Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
