dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
