this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
