Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
