hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
