i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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