Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize