a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
