I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
