Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
