i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
