Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
