i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
