So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That accounts for only three of the penises
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
