Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
