I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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