It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
