i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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