it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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