my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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