Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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