was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
