So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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