Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize