Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
