he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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