Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
