I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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