Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
