I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
